I believe everyone has felt this way at one point or another, as if the world was against us.
Maybe you’re trying to connect with others, but they don’t seem to understand the level of your pain — or when you make positive changes, you may self-sabotage or give up quickly.
This is sometimes natural. But if this sounds like your situation most (or all) of the time, you’re probably living in a victim mentality.
The victim mentality can make life seem unfair. You might even feel like there’s nothing you can do to change your situation – but that’s not true. There is always something you can do. Next, the new concept psychologist
Professor Rong Xinqi
Teach you how to deal with this victim mentality.
What is a victim mentality?
The victim mentality is when a person often feels that they are a victim, even when the facts show otherwise.
People with this mindset often blame others and struggle to take personal responsibility, and they may also feel that they have no control over what happens to them. This perspective affects many aspects of their lives, such as relationships, studies, work and
Health and Wellbeing
, etc.
Professor Rong said the victim mentality can develop as a mechanism for coping with previous traumatic experiences. You may feel like you have little control or influence over the external factors in your life. He explained that this usually stems from:
Experience a variety of situations where you lack control;
Persistent emotional distress leads to learned helplessness;
Betrayal by those closest to you, etc.
People with alcohol use disorder or substance use disorder may find that a victim mentality puts them in an addiction spiral. They may feel helpless to change their circumstances, seeking support from others while feeling unable to support themselves.
Signs of a victim mentality
Professor Rong said the victim mentality can manifest itself in many ways. It can involve feeling like the world is against you, or having difficulty taking personal responsibility for what happens in your life.
Signs of a victim mentality include:
1. Behavioral signs
When problems arise, external factors or other people are often blamed;
Difficulty taking personal responsibility or understanding how you might have contributed to a situation;
Excessive criticism of self or others;
Self-sabotage;
Only associate with people who think like you.
2. Psychological (cognitive) signs
believes the world is unfair or unsafe;
Cognitive distortions, such as catastrophic;
Harmful thought patterns or pessimism;
Reflecting on past mistakes and hurts;
Thinking of self-harm or suicide.
3. Relationship Sign
Difficulties with intimacy and trust;
Depressed mood;
limited empathy for others;
Distrust of authority figures;
Scoring in relationships;
It is difficult to accept constructive criticism.
4. Emotional Signs
Frustrated;
guilt or shame;
Have a grudge against others;
Social distancing.
The victim mentality can affect your life in many ways, from preventing you from putting in the work at work to disrupting your relationship dynamics. You may also have trouble maintaining healthy habits.
A victim mentality a symptom? Or a personality trait?
It is difficult to say whether victim mentality is a symptom or a personality trait, as more research is needed.
A 2020 study suggests that victim mentality may be a personality trait known as “Interpersonal Victimization (TIV).” In this case, it spans multiple types of relationships and includes four schemas:
Desire to be recognized as a victim;
moral superiority;
limited empathy for others;
Meditate often.
The victim mentality can also be a symptom of some mental health problems, including: Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD), Major Depressive Disorder (MDD), Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD), Trauma post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) and complex post-traumatic stress disorder (CPTSD).
To determine the root cause of your feelings, you may find it beneficial to seek help from a professional counselor or therapist.
Methods and techniques for dealing with victim mentality
If you’re ready to change how you feel, there are many ways and techniques to support you.
1. Seek professional support
Professor Rong Xinqi pointed out that psychotherapy can help you deal with past trauma and improve your emotional intelligence. “It helps you learn to choose to leave or accept it and take responsibility for the things in your life that you can control and how you react,” he said.
A counselor and therapist may also work with you to set goals and develop self-efficacy, making you feel more in control of your life. To complement your work in psychotherapy, consider keeping a journal to process your emotions and develop a habit of gratitude, he adds.
2. Try practicing self-compassion
Take a moment to review and appreciate what you’ve been through. “Experiencing physical and psychological abuse can lead to shame, guilt, anxiety, depression and low self-esteem,” explains Professor Rong. “It’s really common for victims to think they’re the reason someone abused them, so self-compassion can help you build positive self-talk to eliminate any self-blame.”
3. Change your self-identity
Research shows that in some cases, it can be difficult to overcome a victim mentality if there is an incentive to stay in the role (such as medical benefits, income, or other forms of security).
You may find it helpful to change your language, says Professor Rong. “Instead of calling yourself a victim, calling yourself an abuse survivor can be more empowering and help build emotional confidence in future relationships.”
4. Try sharing your story
A 2021 study finds that women who have experienced sexual violence are able to move from victim to survivor mentality by getting social support, sharing their stories, making art release emotions, etc.
There are many ways to own your story, such as writing an essay to help others in a similar situation, volunteering at a nonprofit, creating art, and more.
How to deal with someone with a victim mentality?
If you know someone who has signs of a victim mentality, this can be frustrating, especially if you love them and want to see them return to normal.
In this case, the following methods may help you:
Encourage them to seek professional help and support;
Remind them how powerful and capable they are;
Set and maintain healthy boundaries;
Limits exhausting interactions;
Resist the temptation to save others;
Learn how to prevent interdependence and more.
References:
·David SB et al. (2020). From victim to survivor to victor.
·Day NJS et al. (2020). Living with a pathological narcissism: A qualitative study.
·Edery RA et al. (2019). Borderline Personality Disorder: A Contemporary Briefreview.
·Gabay R et al. (2020). Interpersonal Victimization Tendency: Personality Construction and Its Consequences.
·Pollino MA (2021). The Turning Point from Victim to Survivor: An Examination of Sexual Violence Narratives.