If you meet me for the first time, you may find me easy to get along with, even cheerful.
I will actively listen to you, know everything about you, and will happily share my life, I can’t stop talking and sometimes laughing with you.
But in fact, I am really socially afraid, and I have worried about my image a hundred and eighty times in my heart:
·Ah, how can I say what’s on my mind, will it offend TA?
·It’s embarrassing, and there’s another silence. Does he think I’m boring?
·Why are my legs shaking, stop shaking, don’t let them find out!
·It’s finally over, why is this road so long…
I’m happy and talkative on the surface, but it’s probably because you’re the only one I’m chatting with, and if you throw me in a group of people I don’t know, I’m likely to be nervous. Can’t say anything, only smiles when listening to the other party’s speech…
Picture | Made by myself
I was very confused about the introversion or extroversion category, and then I learned that I probably have both extraversion (extraversion) and The characteristics of social anxiety (social anxiety) belong to extroverted social anxiety.
social fear ≠ introversion
We usually think of introverts and socially phobic people as a wave who is uncomfortable spending a minute in public, while the extrovert wave tends to have social bullshit , you can talk to people you don’t know well.
However, social fear and introversion are two different things.
Social phobia, known in psychology as social phobia, is a type of anxiety disorder that is reduced in everyday life. /strong>Now, some people with social phobia have certain symptoms of social phobia, but it will not seriously affect their daily life, and their anxiety level has not reached the point where they need treatment after clinical diagnosis.
The most typical characteristic of social phobia is that they are very afraid of receiving negative evaluations in one or some social situations, so they tend to believe that they are not enough Good, afraid of authority figures, worried about acting unnaturally, also feeling anxious about being the focus of attention.
October’s new program “Gu Jian Classmates Have Communication Disorders” is about social fear | Twitter@kawagoe life
Introversion is associated with the Extroversion dimension of the Big Five, which is divided according to whether people enjoy the company of others >, and the level of energy , so introverts are silent and like to be alone, while extroverts are active and like to socialize.
We can also see the difference in the reasons for refusing social activities: introverts often say “It’s nice to be alone” , and the reason for social phobias to refuse will be “there are friends of friends, It’s embarrassing to forget it“.
Is it possible for a person to love being with others and have energy, and at the same time get uncomfortable in social situations? Of course there will be! This is extroverted social phobia.
Picture | Made by myself
With these manifestations, you are likely to be an extroverted socialphobe
Extroverted SocietiesI really want to be accepted by the group, want to socialize, and want to be liked by others, but at the same time worry about the negative comments of others, so my daily life is full of entanglements and contradictions, such as:
It’s especially easy to feel that there are things you don’t do well enough with others
Even if you say a slightly inappropriate sentence wrong, you will be very regretful and embarrassed to recall it a week later.
All the details of human interaction will be engraved in the mind
Always remember each other’s face and name before they officially meet.
I care very much about how I look in the eyes of others
It is not uncommon to have trouble falling asleep the night before giving a speech. Even talking with unfamiliar people has to be brewed for a long time in advance, thinking about what to say specifically, for fear that I will not behave properly. As expected.
Picture | Douban “Extroverted Social Fear Nursing Home” group
Reluctance to express opinions contrary to others
Although I felt very disgusted with the sweet pet drama that my roommate was chasing, when my roommate showed me the photo of the male protagonist, my first reaction was a sincere perfunctory: “Wow, it’s really nice. He’s handsome.”
Avoid any chance of harming others
I always want to be the person who says the last word in WeChat chat, even if I find it for a long time and send an emoji that is not embarrassing or embarrassing, I don’t want the other person to feel left out.
It’s always stressful to socialize with people you don’t know, but I’d like to join next time
“It’s embarrassing to have dinner with new colleagues. I don’t know what topic is appropriate, so I can only chat occasionally… What? There is also a night running group, of course I want to participate!”
It’s easy to be alone, but it’s also boring
Self-isolation at home is comfortable and comfortable, but looking at the party photos in the circle of friends is also very eye-catching, and I can’t wait to get together with my friends as soon as the isolation is over.
Let’s see if you have these traits yourself:
If you have these characteristics, then you are probably also a member of the extroverted social group.
Extroverts are “contradictory” characteristics that give them more Stress and anxiety.
In addition, the results of the study found that there are not a few people who belong to “extroverted social phobia”, even more than introverted + social phobic people .
In fact, it is the type with the largest proportion of social terrorism!
Comparing the personality scale scores of people with social anxiety disorder and the general population, researchers found that people with social anxiety disorder are indeed more introverted and emotionally unstable than the general population , but Cluster analysis showed that social anxiety disorder can be further divided into three distinct subtypes.
The three subtypes are: “typical” (prototypical), introvert-conscientious (introvert-conscientious), < strong>Instable-open.
The first type of social phobia is characterized by introversion, as we usually think of it, and at the same time, emotional instability, ie, a tendency to experience more anxiety and depression, to be unrealistic Troubled by thoughts, difficult to escape temptation, more vulnerable to pressure.
The second type of social anxiety is different from the previous one in that, although it is more introverted, it is more stable emotionally and has a stronger sense of responsibility.
The third type is much more extroverted than the first two, although it still falls short of the general population. This is what we call extroverted social anxiety disorder, which accounts for 37.9% of the entire social anxiety disorder population and is the largest subtype.
They are also more emotionally unstable (maybe slightly better than the first), but openness, they are imaginative and curious Strong, tolerant and accepting of different viewpoints.
So, although extroverted people with social anxiety experience more conflicted emotions than other types because they are both extroverted and socially anxious, this conflict also creates a richer emotional experience.
They are more sensitive and empathetic; they are also more creative, have a keen eye for art and beauty, and are more imaginative and aesthetic than the average person (people without social anxiety disorder) )higher.
I have a friend who is extroverted,
What can I do?
First of all, it is necessary to understand that the source of discomfort is social fear, not introversion or extroversion. Many friends with social fear force themselves to become in order to change themselves. Extroverts only end up making themselves members of the extroverted society.
The root cause of social fear is often the Unreasonable belief. For example, after taking the initiative to say hello to others, the other party’s response is very cold, so I can’t help but doubt myself “I’m really useless, do people never take me seriously”.
Picture | Made by myself
But in fact, this is just a more extreme idea, not equal to reality. We can try to identify and correct irrational thoughts, cut off the source of anxiety, and limit the outcome of events to specific people, specific situations for consideration. For example, the other person’s indifference may simply be because they didn’t respond.
Therefore, we need to view our unreasonable beliefs as ideas, not facts. To achieve this, we can start from changing some inherent concepts.
For example, try to think of uncomfortable experiences as general human experiences, not just with yourself, but even with your closest friends. Unpredictable silence emerges; even experienced teachers worry about making mistakes when lecturing; even social experts often feel embarrassed and want to run away.
Many situations don’t happen because we’re bad, it’s just a universal phenomenon.
Keep your eyes peeled! | onepage
We can also try to focus on what we can do, not what we can’t.
Sheniu’s friends can confidently and generously show their charm, often making extroverted socialites envious. But social fear friends don’t have to use the standards of social cattle to demand themselves.
To give a speech, you only need to express clearly what you are preparing for and your opinions. When talking with people, you only need to actively listen and respond, and focus on what you can do. You will find that complex The interpersonal situations seem to be less difficult.
Whether it’s social phobia or not, whether it’s extrovert or introvert, we don’t need to limit ourselves to a certain label.
No one stipulates that to be a leader, you must be outgoing and talkative, and you must (show) self-confidence if you want to get rid of the order, and no one stipulates that only people who are not socially fearful can have a happy and complete life .
Be yourself and that’s enough.
American Psychiatric Association. (2013). Diagnostic and statistical manual of mental disorders. Fifth edit. Arlington, VA: American Psychiatric Association.
Costa, P. T., & McCrae, R.R. (1992). Revised NEO Personality Inventory (NEO PI-R) and NEO Five-Factor Inventory (NEO-FFI). Springer New York .
Costache, M.E., Frick, A., Mnsson, K., Engman, J., Faria, V., & Hjorth, O., et al. (2020). Higher- and lower-order personality traits and cluster subtypes in social anxiety disorder. PLOS ONE, 15(4): e0232187.
Cheek, J. M., & Buss, A. H. (1981). Shyness and sociability. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 41(2), 330-339.