Sister of Shujuan (pseudonym), who was diagnosed with depression a few years ago during the menopause stage. Originally a high school teacher, she stayed without pay because she was unable to go to work, and was unable to take care of her family. Because Shujuan has retired, she is with her most of the time. Shujuan’s practice is to take her out for a walk often. In addition to some activities arranged by herself, the two sisters occasionally go to the resort to stay for one night.
When my sister was the most serious, she also suffered from panic disorder. Once, she did not eat a bite of food or a drop of water for 2 days and 2 nights in a row, and stood still. Her brother-in-law wanted to take her to the hospital. She refused. In the end, Shujuan coaxed her sister into hospital. After she was discharged, the situation still did not improve.
One day, Shujuan’s little sister called her urgently and said, “Second sister has been in front of her mother’s house for 2 hours and dare not enter the house.” Shujuan immediately arrived and asked her sister why she was outside , she replied, “I don’t want to go in.” Shujuan said to her, “It doesn’t matter, you can do whatever you want.”
Then, Shujuan accompanied her sister to a nearby park for a walk, and asked her to speak her mind. Finally, her sister asked Shujuan: “Does my child feel inferior with a mother like me? ?” Shujuan replied politely but honestly, “Yes!” Suddenly, her sister cried for a long time, until her mother called to say that there were Japanese visitors at home.
As soon as the two sisters returned home, Shujuan was shocked by her sister’s behavior: “The moment she entered the door, her sister changed completely, and greeted guests in Japanese as if she was not sick before. Greetings.” Since then, my sister’s life has returned to normal. She originally shouted that she would retire, but soon returned to school to teach.
Psychological expert Professor Rong Xinqi said that patients with depression often feel helpless and hopeless. They often ask themselves some questions in their hearts, and they may want to cheer up, but they lack direct motivation and end up negative. Her emotions gave her the courage to ask questions, and her sister’s words gave her an epiphany: to face life positively, this is the “sublimation effect” in psychology.
And Shujuan’s approach is a kind of “slamming in the head”, treating the patient as a normal person and letting her return to her original function and role. The reason why Shujuan’s sister panic may be rooted in the loss of some functions. Shujuan’s words happened to reawaken her sister’s power as a mother (a mother is also the most important role in her life), but this reminder varies from person to person, “not all All cases can be accepted as a blowout.”
Shujuan shared that, from the standpoint of a companion, she might be helping her sister when she was “turning a corner”, “You don’t have to keep telling her “you’re all right” to a depressed patient. In other words, you can talk about some worse examples of others, and you must force her to exercise and make her sweat.” She said without hesitation, “This is indeed a very hard process.” After her sister returned to normal, she also admitted. : “It’s up to you to work hard.” She originally planned to retire, but after her condition improved, she returned to school to continue teaching.
For family members with depression, when relatives and friends are sick, you may wish to refer to these 5 tips for listening and accompanying:
1. Identify whether the patient is really suffering from depression, instead of being lazy or unwilling to perform their obligations, such as not doing housework or not wanting to go to work, etc. In addition, do not say to the person: “It’s a disease of your own making.”
2. Give positive assistance to the patient, such as sharing some of the things that the client should have done, but don’t be too helpful.
3. For adolescent patients, opportunity education can be provided to classmates to accompany the parties.
4. Allow time to listen to the patient and give the client a chance to speak his mind.
5. When listening, give a “slap in the face” as appropriate, for example: instead of saying things like “you’re fine” or “you want to get away”, say “someone is better than you” Oops.” or “This is a phase that will pass soon.”