Text|Cheat Books Jun
A while ago, I went to a dinosaur park near the city with my husband and children on the weekend, plus the children’s grandparents.
There are many people in the Dinosaur Park, and the family is separated by accident. I stared at the child, only to find that we were always left behind. At first, I was pulling my child forward, trying to join the army. Later, when I got tired, I went straight to the child’s pace.
It’s been a long time since my husband stopped and went, and my husband called and asked where we were, and told us their location, so we could rush over.
When my kids and I rushed over, I saw three of them sitting in a small pavilion and playing with their mobile phones.
Thinking of my panic in the crowd, and looking at how peaceful my husband and his parents were all the time, I suddenly thought that he and I had actually been competing at some point, And this “point” is also the crux of our contradiction.
The point is, in his eyes, who is more important to me and his parents.
My husband is a dutiful son. In the first three years after the birth of the child, I took care of the baby in my hometown, and he worked in the city. Go back every two months.
Every time he goes back, he is busy cooking, cooking, and going shopping with his mother-in-law. After he is busy, he will get into the house and close the door to start playing games.
I asked him, “What the hell are you doing here? Are you here to see our daughters?”
I didn’t expect that after so many years, my husband is really unreal. Change, in his eyes, parents will always come first. This also made me realize that most couples have conflicts and crux, isn’t that why?
The contradiction of most families is that the order of family relations is wrong.
In a functioning family, the relationship ranking in the middle should be like this: husband and wife relationship>parent-child relationship>other.
Because a child is the crystallization of his parents’ love, he has half the blood of his parents. As a child of both parents, he hopes from the bottom of his heart that his parents have a harmonious relationship and that both sides recognize each other, so that he feels that he is recognized and loved by both parents.
My family often brings up interesting stories about our little nephew, saying that he has “sight to see children”. When my sister and her brother-in-law were quarreling, the little nephew was so anxious to hold the hands of my parents and insisted that they hold hands. If they ignored each other, the little nephew would just hold hands by himself, thinking about getting his parents to reconcile quickly. That kind of anxious roar is cute and pitiful.
In fact, the appearance of the little nephew can reflect the child’s psychology. When parents quarrel and discord, it greatly affects the child’s inner sense of security.
The relationship between husband and wife is good, and the child sees that his parents are in love with each other, his foundation is stable, and his psychological development will not be too bad.
Educators also say that the relationship between husband and wife is the soil in the flowerpot, and the relationship between parent and child is the plant in the soil. Plants can grow well only when the soil is good.
If the family order is reversed, the parent-child relationship> husband and wife relationship, that is, the husband and wife have a close relationship with their children, But being indifferent to your partner creates a terrifying cycle.
For example, after a wife has a child, she puts the child first and ignores the marital relationship with her husband. Gradually, she tends to regard the child as her emotional sustenance, and puts the child in the first place. Put all your heart and soul into the child. Children cultivated in this way lack independence and autonomy, and at the same time, the separation of mother and child is not completely completed.
Because the separation of mother and child has not been completed, when the child grows up and gets married, the child will naturally put the mother first, which forms the mother baby boy and the mother baby girl.
After they formed a family, they still only followed their mother and ignored their other half. If the mother is strong, it will interfere with various affairs of the small family, causing the relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law to deteriorate.
Sadly, in such a symbiotic relationship between mother and child, being a mother means being a mother-in-law in the future, and it will inevitably be harmful to her daughter-in-law. The arrival is hostile (even if it is not clearly expressed, it will be subconsciously), so as to be strong, the small family must let her have the final say.
As a daughter-in-law, if you can’t bear it, the family will fall apart and the couple will go to the point of divorce;
< p>If you can bear it, the wife will regard the child as a spiritual sustenance because she can’t get emotional comfort from her husband, thus creating another mother’s treasure, and so on, from generation to generation.
Senior nursery teacher, psychological counselor. He understands parenting and psychology, and also pays attention to the mother’s self-growth and family management, and strives to be a caring person for mothers.
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