Tongzi asked:
My wife and I have been married for two years and we met on a blind date. When I first met, I thought she was gentle, kind, and motivated, but after I got married, I couldn’t stand her bad temper, and she got angry and ignored me when I got home one night. I have a lot of friends, and sometimes we go to exercise and eat together on weekends, and she runs back to her parents’ house in a fit of anger. I can’t figure it out a bit. She has a good temperament outside and in the unit. How can she be so hypocritical when she is with me?
12
Miaodai:
Tell me how I feel,your wife is not a hypocrite, but insecure in a relationship.
The more insecure a person is, the more vulnerable she is and the more afraid of not being loved.
Anger and unreasonable are her protective colors. She is just afraid that you will see her vulnerability and that you will not be able to protect her inner needs, so she uses this method to protect herself.
Take the fact that you came back late. Maybe all she said was accusing “Why did you come back so late?” “You know how to come back.”
But what she really meant to say was-I want you to come back with me early, I need you very much.
It is by saying these words that we are showing our “weakness,” and it is by saying these words that we are likely to be rejected.
So subconsciously, we choose to express ourselves in another way, which is to use anger, to use a high volume, to get the other person’s attention, as if they can “see” us.
But after the other party is attacked, they often feel that they are not respected and will naturally fight back in the same way.
There are so many little things like this, and the accumulated damage to each other has become what it is now.
Then why, when we are gentle and calm in front of outsiders, is it easy to lose control in front of our partners?
Because on the outside, we live in masks that others yearn to see, we don’t expect others to pay attention to our hearts.
But partners are different. We have high expectations for our partners. We show our truest side, hoping that they can meet our psychological needs and soothe our “fried hair” emotions.
At the end of the day, everyone expects a warm healing in an intimate relationship.
There are so many people in the world, we only hope to be understood and respected in our intimate relationship, and we hope to see our own value in the eyes of each other.
A partner’s greatest value is providing emotional value.
I believe that many people have secretly thought about a question: in an intimate relationship, how can I keep the other party away from me?
The answer to this question is actually very simple. If you want people to leave you, you have to “have something”.
Either have a peerless face, or be rich, or be able to appease the other party’s emotions.
In “The World”, Zhou Bingkun and Zheng Juan are the kind of couple who can’t be separated from each other. What’s so good about them?
Zheng Juan was raped and pregnant out of wedlock. She has a blind brother and an elderly mother. It can be said that everyone can bully her, and everyone can look down on her.
On the other hand, Zhou Bingkun cherishes her very much and loves her very much. He gave her absolute respect when she needed it the most.
Zhou Bingkun was jailed for nine years for manslaughter and was released from prison. One night when he returned home, it rained outside, and the house was in disrepair and began to leak. Zhou Bingkun collapsed. Done.
Zheng Juan took out a bottle of wine unhurriedly, and the couple chatted freely in the rainy night.
Zheng Juan told how she spent the most difficult time and told Zhou Bingkun that no matter how unhappy she was, she had to find something happy.
Just because the two of them provide each other with emotional value, they are people who can never be separated from each other.
The immortal couples we envy are actually people who provide each other with emotional value.
A good partner can be a container for each other’s emotions.
No matter what emotion the other party throws, he can catch it stably, and he can see the lovely inner calling behind those unlovable behaviors.
The happiest marriage is not so much material wealth, but the positive and negative emotions can be firmly held.
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