My friend suffers from depression, but what I said unintentionally made him even more desperate

In the clinic, I often encounter this situation:

I think my child is just too negative and thinks too much all day, so he has depression.

He probably played on his phone, and his internet addiction caused him depression.

He recently broke up, very sad, and must be depressed because of this stimulus.

His parents have been divorced since he was a child. It must be the unhappy and imperfect family that caused him to suffer from depression.

Strangely,the family members or friends of these patients are not professionals, and they don’t even know what the symptoms of depression are, but the etiology of the patients is analyzed as ” The head is right”, and even “reasonable and well-founded”.

This wave of analysis, not only does not help the patient’s recovery, but may even cause secondary psychological damage to the patient and aggravate the condition. So, how to communicate with depressed patients, and how to speak without stimulating them?

This article combines specific examples to guide you on how to communicate appropriately with people with depression.

Of course, before communicating, I suggest that you first have a general understanding of what depression is, and then train your ability to listen patiently and be tolerant and accepting. Finally, you can combine communication skills to give correct responses.

If my friend had depression

Situation 1: Cognitive Depression

Friend: I’ve been feeling a little depressed lately.

Incorrect response: What’s so bad about you? You have a high salary, an easy job, a happy marriage…

Correct response:

Answer

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What’s wrong? You tell me I can do my best to help you.

Explanation:

Most people prejudice about depression, believing that depression is mainly caused by bad stimuli or life pressure, and based on this prejudice False assumptions made: As long as you live a happy life, you won’t get depression, or if you increase your happiness, you can treat depression.

This is not the case.There are many reasons for depression, of which biological factors are often overlooked as an important reason, such as postpartum depression, menstrual depression The high probability is related to changes in body physiology. As friends, what we can do is moderate understanding without judgment.

Your friend doesn’t want a solution when he’s in pain, it’s understanding and support. Of course, the best way is to seek help from a doctor.

Situation 2: Sleep problems

Friend: I haven’t been sleeping very well these days.

Incorrect response: You’re always lying in bed playing with your phone, so you’re not sleeping well, just stop playing with your phone.

Correct response:

Answer

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Exactly why don’t you sleep well? Difficulty falling asleep, or waking up easily?

Explanation:

Depression often leads to sleep problems, not just inability to sleep, but also oversleeping, difficulty falling asleep, disturbed sleep, or waking up early Wait. Just imagine, when we don’t sleep well, we will definitely do some easy things to relieve the pressure caused by poor sleep. The most relaxing and convenient thing around us may be to use our mobile phones.

So sometimes it’s not the swiping that’s causing the sleep problems, but the sleep that’s causing the pain, and the swiping is to relieve the pain.

Of course, swiping your phone is not a scientific solution to sleep problems. Drug therapy, psychotherapy and physical therapy are the scientific methods. It is recommended to consult a doctor about which method is suitable for you.

Situation 3: Lack of energy

Friend: I feel so tired every day…

Incorrect response: You are a civil servant, sitting in an office all day, what’s the point of being tired?

Correct response:

Answer

Click the space below for the answer

Let’s go to eat something delicious later, or come to my house, I will cook you a few dishes you like and talk about what happened to you today.

Explanation:

Depressed people often experience fatigue and frequently say they are tired even when they are not doing any physical work. In fact, “tired” here is not the same concept as what we usually call tired. Usually, tiredness can often be relieved by doing some relaxation activities, such as taking a hot bath, shopping, watching a movie, etc.

Tired here means lack of energy. A typical hallmark of a lack of energy is a sense of fatigue that cannot be recovered even with adequate rest, causing the patient to stagnate like a flattened ball, like a car without gas, not wanting to do anything. In short, it’s a feeling of physical and mental exhaustion.

Situation 4: lack of energy ≠ laziness

Friend: I can’t get out of bed every day, I don’t want to do anything all day, I just want to lie down.

Incorrect response: I’m lazy sometimes, it’s useless to lie there all day, just get out and about.

Correct response:

Answer

Click the space below for the answer

Why do I feel this way? Is there anything to worry about?

Explanation:

Depression can lead to symptoms of “loss of interest”, patients lose interest in many things, even things they used to enjoy Playing games, now I don’t want to play games; I used to like reading books, but now I don’t even want to pick up books. In severe cases, patients may even lack interest in basic physiological needs, such as lack of interest in eating, drinking, and sex, etc.

This behavior is different from laziness, lazy is simply not wanting to do things that don’t interest you, still wanting to do things you like.

Situation 5: Bad mood

Friend: I sometimes cry for no reason and it is very sad.

Incorrect response: You’re just in a bad mood, just distract yourself and think about it.

Correct response:

Answer

Click the space below for the answer

Sounds like you’re not feeling well, what do you think I can do to make you more comfortable?

Explanation:

Many people have a similar misconception—”our emotions and thoughts are in our own hands,” and it’s hard to understand why someone has an emotional breakdown.

They think it must be too much or too negative to lead to a bad mood, so they often persuade the other person not to think too much or achieve “don’t think too much” by distracting. But if distraction really worked, the patient himself would have been relieved.

Remember not to say things like ‘distraction’ or ‘thinking about it’. Not only is it not nourishing, but it can lead to a deeper level of helplessness for the patient.

Situation 6: Silent companionship

Friend:…(silent)

Incorrect response: If you have something on your mind, just say it, you will feel comfortable when you say it.

Correct response:

Answer

Click the space below for the answer

What’s wrong? It’s okay if you don’t want to say it now, let me know when you want to.

Explanation:

Silence is not a symptom of depression, but silence often occurs when people are in a bad mood and feel helpless.

Many people mistakenly think that a bad mood is because there is nowhere to release the inner pressure, usually there is no way to vent, and it is caused by suffocation. Therefore, many people often advise patients to talk more and communicate more, just to vent their distress.

Actually, there are many reasons for silence. There is no need to pursue specific reasons. As friends, we should wait patiently, listen, and not judge.

Situation 7: Helpless and hopeless

Friend: I feel so stressed, I’m so hard.

Error response: It is normal, everyone is the same, who is not stressed?

Correct response:

Answer

Click the space below for the answer

You are not alone. If you have any difficulties, your friends will support you, and I will also help you.

Explanation:

Due to chronic lack of energy, people with depression may be unable to perform simple daily activities (such as not having the strength to go for a walk). Once, twice, three times… many times less than a simple activity, the patient’s self-confidence is slowly worn away.

In the process of suffering, patients will send out distress signals to their relatives and friends, but often because they do not understand depression, relatives and friends give wrong responses. To make things worse, patients gradually feel that no one can help them, and their sense of despair gradually deepens. Desperate to the extreme, suicidal intent is likely.

Situation 8: Suicide

Friend: I don’t even want to play games anymore, I feel like life is boring.

Incorrect response: You can’t say that, your parents will be sad to hear that your family has done so much to nurture you.

Correct response:

Answer

Click the space below for the answer

You are my most important friend and the most beloved child of your parents, and you are so important to us that we cannot imagine life without you.

Explanation:

Suicidal intent is often a very dangerous sign, and the level of suicide risk requires a professional assessment. When a patient is found to have suicidal intent, they should seek medical help immediately . As family members, we can provide active support to a limited extent, such as helping and encouraging them to see a doctor.

When most people face the problem of suicide, they talk about it with disgust: “how can you think like this”, “don’t think like this”, “just think about other happy things”, so that The practice often ignores the patient’s intention to seek help, and instead makes the patient even more desperate, thinking that no one can help them.

It is therefore suggested1. Seek help from a doctor; 2. Respond positively, discuss suicide with the patient under the guidance of a doctor; 3. Emotional support, express concerns as a friend< /strong>.

Scenario 9: Relationship Between Psychological Testing and Symptoms

Friend: I’m severely depressed on the psychometric report. Am I screwed?

Incorrect response: I don’t think you are that serious. Maybe the test is not accurate. Don’t worry about it.

Correct response:

Answer

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Let’s ask the doctor what this result means, we don’t quite understand. It may seem scary, but it’s not.

Explanation:

In psychiatry or outpatient psychology, patients undergo routine psychological tests.

Targeted assessments of depressive symptoms are commonly used SDS (Self-rating Depression Scale) and HAMD (Hamilton Depression Scale).

These testscan only reflect the emotional state of the most recent week, and cannot judge a patient as mild or severe depression based on this alone. The specific severity needs to refer to the diagnostic criteria, and the differential diagnosis needs to be judged by the doctor according to the actual situation. We cannot easily judge whether the symptoms are serious or not, or whether they need to receive treatment.

Scenario 10: Medication

Friend: I’m a little reluctant to take antidepressants.

Error response: It is a three-point poisonous medicine, if you can’t take it, don’t take it! I heard that Auntie Wang next door also suffered from depression. Later, she didn’t take medicine/accepted XXX remedies, and it was fine. Try it another day.

Correct response:

Answer

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How did you feel after taking the medicine? We don’t know about taking medicine. Let’s consult a doctor. It is more reliable to follow his advice.

Explanation: