In the face of postpartum depression, no family can be alone

Have you experienced postpartum depression? What kind of mental journey have you had?

Let’s hear the story of @PearlMama, mother of Lilac Mama Planet.

I didn’t know for a long time if I was experiencing postpartum depression, because the people around me — my parents, my husband — always had a tantrum when I lost my temper. They comforted each other with a tone of disgust: “Don’t pay attention to her, she has postpartum depression!”

Yes, in my family, “postpartum depression” is a pejorative term that qualifies me for “neuropathy.” But I know that what I’ve suffered from June 2020 to now is postpartum depression.

The trigger for depression

In June 2020, I became a mom. I had to have a caesarean section because of high blood pressure, and gave birth to a baby early. This premature birth was in the neonatology department for 4 days. This may have been the trigger for my depression and the first straw that overwhelmed me. Because the whole family is blaming me: who made you get married so late, who made you have children so late, who made you careless about your body, who made you… Every day everyone has countless “who made you” attack from all directions Come on, ignoring my guilt.

The baby and I were finally discharged home on the evening of day 9 after giving birth, and it was past 6pm when we got home.

Because I just moved house more than 20 days before giving birth, and was suddenly admitted to the hospital during the maternity check-up, many things at home were not arranged, and every time my husband came home, he just I took things and left in a hurry. After I got home this time, I put the things I used in the hospital on the ground (my mother has a cleanliness addiction, and everything I brought back from the hospital must be put on the ground first, then slowly put away, and then disinfected). ground).

I originally wanted to clean up slowly, but in the invisible whipping of my mother’s “lazy”, “dirty” and “not decent”, I worked until 2 am that day. The next day, I worked from 8:00 to 4:00 pm, with only a break in taking care of the children.

This incident has become a knot in my heart that has not been resolved until now: why do other people have a good rest after giving birth, but the first thing I do when I get home is to do housework! ?

Unlimited accusations

After I started to take care of my children formally, there were more and easier places to criticize me: “Others’ children have breast milk, you are picky eaters so there is not enough milk” “Others’ children do not have jaundice, You have poison in your womb, and your child suffers.” “We new mothers know nothing and don’t learn.” The list goes on and on, it makes me sink into self-doubt every day and cannot extricate myself.

At this point, some people may ask, “Where is your husband?” Because my father-in-law relapsed into a serious illness, on the 18th day after I gave birth, my husband went to take care of his father until the child’s 10th day. It took 2 months to spend 2 hours a day with the child until now (the child is 19 months).

Inner torment

If the above are all external and don’t care, then my inner anxiety has a great impact on me.

First comes from the body.

Before giving birth, although the doctor was banned for a period of time due to a threatened abortion, the actual situation was that the physical strength did not decrease much, and even moved a house after the risk of miscarriage was relieved. After the operation, everything is different. I use crutches when I go down, I use the elevator when I go downstairs, and I lean on the handrail to move slowly where there is no elevator. Every joint in my ten fingers was in pain, and the morning stiffness was particularly severe in the summer after giving birth, and it could even last a day. This kind of physical torture that I don’t know will have an end is driving me crazy inside. At this time, I have to be patient, careful, and make no mistakes to take care of all the food and daily life of the other person in a day, and there is a mother who is accusing me everywhere, and I am going crazy.

The second is about the economy.

Because there is no income from maternity leave, my husband’s family’s money has to go to his father’s medical treatment, and my parents have to plan for their retirement and their mortgage, so my source of income during that time was Exactly 0. I sold all the stocks and most of the funds in the first month of my child’s birth, and the deposits have been gradually converted into current accounts, which can be used at any time. Although it is still guaranteed, as the balance gradually decreases, the anxiety in my heart is getting worse day by day. The day is intense, and sometimes, in order to figure out how to minimize the cost of eating and drinking, I do math problems late at night. Buying things is to refuse all physical store consumption, because online stores are easier to compare prices! I’m confused when the store says it…

Everything will be fine

Over a year has passed.

Now I am still often picked on by my parents, my husband still only spends two hours a day with the children, and my physical strength has not fully returned to normal (because I don’t exercise).

However, the child is healthy, and everyone seems to have forgotten her status as a premature baby, and they are a little more tolerant of me. I have a financial income, and the pressure of life is less. Although sometimes I still need to regulate my emotions, everything is going in the right direction.

Occasionally my family commented on the news about postpartum depression as if it had nothing to do with me, only I knew it, and I struggled.