Reviewer: Xueling Yang (Zhujiang Hospital of Southern Medical University)
It is normal and most people experience pain and grief when you lose a loved one or something.
But when grief takes over your life and you begin to feel hopeless, helpless, and worthless, it’s time to see a doctor to distinguish between normal grief and depression.
1. What is grief?
Grief is a natural response to death or loss, and the grieving process resolves the pain and then returns to normal.
The process can be beneficial if you acknowledge your grief, seek support, and set aside time to bask in your grief.
Each year, 5%-9% of people lose a close family member, but this is not the only cause of grief, people feel lost when:
Break away from those close to you.
The loss of a job, position, or income.
The pet is dead or lost.
Children run away from home.
A major life change, such as a divorce, move or retirement.
While we all experience grief and loss, each person is unique in how they deal with their feelings. Some people have strong coping skills and are able to experience grief without neglecting their day-to-day tasks.
And some people don’t have the necessary coping skills or lack the necessary support, which hinders the healing process of grief.
Image source: Zhanku Hailuo
2. How to deal with grief and loss?
Grief has specific stages that reflect the general response people have to loss. An important part of the healing process is feeling and accepting the emotions of loss.
The stages of grief that people go through are typically as follows.
Denial, numbness, and shock. Numbing is a normal response to death or loss and should never be confused with “don’t care”.
This grieving stage helps prevent a strong sense of loss, which can be useful when we have to take some action, such as planning a funeral, notifying relatives, or reviewing important documents.
As we come out of this experience and slowly acknowledge its impact, the initial denial and doubt fades away.
Haggling. This grieving stage may be characterized by constant thinking about “could have been done” to prevent death or loss. Some people are obsessed with thinking about different ways to save someone’s life or prevent a loss.
If the grief at this stage is not addressed and resolved, then he may live with strong feelings of guilt or anger, which may interfere with the healing process.
Depression. At this stage, we begin to realize and feel the true extent of death or loss. Common symptoms of depression at this stage include trouble sleeping, loss of appetite, fatigue, lack of energy, and crying. There may also be self-pity and feelings of loneliness, isolation, emptiness, loss, and anxiety.
Angry. This stage is common and usually occurs when we feel helpless and powerless, and anger may stem from a sense of abandonment due to death or loss. Sometimes we are angry with a higher power, a doctor who has cared for a loved one, or life in general.
Accept. Over time, we can accept all the emotions and feelings we experience when death or loss occurs. Once loss is integrated into our lived experience, the healing process begins.
Over the course of our lives, we may return to earlier stages of grief, such as depression or anger. Because there are no rules or time limits for the grieving process, everyone’s healing process will be different.
Image source: Zhanku Hailuo
3. What factors hinder the healing process?
Avoiding emotions;
Compulsive behavior;
Emotional confinement;
Overworked;
Using drugs, alcohol, or other substances to relieve emotional distress.
What things help with grief?
Acknowledge and accept positive and negative feelings.
Set aside enough time for reflection and emotional release.
Talk to someone you trust about your feelings of loss.
Express your feelings publicly, or keep a journal of your feelings.
Identify bereaved people who feel a similar sense of loss.
Remember that crying is a release.
If the grief is very intense, seek professional help.
4. What should I do if the sadness does not disappear?
If grief persists and causes prolonged depression with physical symptoms such as poor sleep, loss of appetite, weight loss, and even suicidal thoughts, you may be suffering from a condition known as Psychological disorders of complex grief, please consult a doctor as soon as possible.
Sometimes depression can develop as the normal sense of loss associated with grief continues.
Image source: Zhanku Hailuo
While grief is a normal part of the grieving response and may subside after a few months, depression is a different disorder than normal grief and can occur at any time, even Occurs immediately after death or loss and requires treatment to heal
*The content of this article is for the popularization of health knowledge. It cannot be used as a specific diagnosis and treatment recommendation, nor can it replace the face-to-face consultation of a licensed physician. It is for reference only.
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