Roy asked:
Good friend, my husband and I have been married for 7 years and have a 3-year-old baby. At the beginning of this year, my husband was sent to work abroad for 3 years, during which he could only come back once every six months. When we were together before, although my husband worked overtime and came home late every day, we could spend some time together on weekends. Now
Miaodai:
Hello Roy, your worries are not without reason.
Not long ago, the divorce of a celebrity couple caused countless people to sigh.
The simple sentence of “getting together less and leaving more” completely ruined a marriage.
This is not an exclusive problem for celebrity couples. With the development of society, the development of the Internet, and the convenience of transportation, long-distance marriage is nothing new.
In the judicial big data released by the Higher People’s Court of Zhejiang Province in 2018, the top two reasons for divorce are: trivial life and separation.
(Source: Internet)
In 2009, according to the data released by the Shanghai Civil Affairs Department, there were 147,413 couples registered for marriage, of which 56,217 couples were married in different places. In other words, nearly 40% of marriages are in different places.
When we are in love, we often say that age is not a problem, distance is not a problem.
It’s only when it comes to life that I realize that these are unavoidable big problems.
Trust is the number one issue facing long-distance marriages.
Emotions are not controlling, but we cannot be without a sense of control. Couples who get along all day and night will have desertion.
What’s more, couples in different places can only judge each other’s whereabouts through clues. We don’t know whether they are happy, who is around, who is with them when they are sad, and whether they cross the line.
As long as there is a rift in the relationship, once there is suspicion, there will be endless distrust.
Image source: Zhanku Hailuo
Satisfaction is an insurmountable pain in long-distance marriage.
What can marriage do?
Intimate experience, sustenance of security, satisfaction of sexual life, warmth of home…
But these long-distance marriages have become luxury goods. He is not by your side, which means that you can only fall in love with your mobile phone when you need it.
You’re not with him, which means he doesn’t know who’s keeping him warm when he’s down.
In a marriage that is often together, if you encounter quarrels and conflicts, maybe a hug, a kiss, and an intimate sex life can alleviate a lot.
The coldness caused by the distance will make you only have endless loneliness in addition to disappointment and no longer looking forward to marriage.
The sense of responsibility is an unbearable burden for long-distance marriages.
Two people are not in the same place, which means that one is guarding the family and the other is out of town.
The one who is out of town has little to do with household chores.
The elderly are sick, the children are tutoring homework, and the water pipes at home are broken.
Just like in “It’s All Good”, after Su Mingzhe and his wife were abroad, the wife was alone with the children and had to work. When she was often thought of as a single mother, she collapsed.
She said, I thought I was strong, but I still couldn’t face it all by myself.
Distance not only creates beauty, it also drains intimacy.
When two people are in love, they feel that distance is not a problem, and they can send non-stop messages every day. whenIt’s been a long time, maybe there is no news on the phone for a day.
If possible, couples should try not to be in different places. The feeling that a home is divided into two halves is definitely not integrated and makes people feel safe.
If it’s really impossible to avoid a long-distance relationship, don’t let the relationship die of distance.
There are three elements of intimacy, passion, intimacy, and commitment. It can be said that the death of all relationships is the death of these three.
The breakdown of a long-distance relationship is not a location, but a death of the relationship. First of all, they didn’t want to have a relationship with each other, so they went to divorce.
Image source: Zhanku Hailuo
Similarly, there are three things we can do to save a relationship.
First, always create passion
Xiao Biesheng is newly married, and it is recommended to create passion every time you meet.
Every gathering should be a quality companion.
Partners get home after a while, and don’t keep busy with chores. Husbands and wives have to spend alone time together before they can have endless things to say.
Second, intimacy is cultivated every day
If you can’t meet every day, use mobile phones, video, etc. to chat for half an hour every day.
Don’t just talk about “Is the child obedient today”, “Come and talk to Dad”, “How is Mommy lately”…
Tell every day what you see, hear, and need that day.
Don’t underestimate the half-hour conversation each day.
Even if we don’t meet, we know our partner’s psychology and life like the back of the hand, perhaps more intimate than many couples who are not in different places.
Image source: Zhanku Hailuo
Finally, commitment is the conscience of marriage
The so-called commitment is not a pledge, but a feeling of reassurance and peace of mind for the other party.
Two people should have a common agreement and formulate common rules. For example, what to do when encountering a quarrel, how to communicate when encountering emotional breakdowns.
At the same time, have short-term commitments, such as when will we meet next time, what surprises will I give you, and where we will travel together at the end of the year.
If two people have common expectations, the relationship will be more stable.
A long and stable relationship requires two people to maintain it together. We always feel that it is some external factors that kill marriage, such as distance, extramarital affairs, and relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law, but in essence, it is the close relationship between two people that first breaks down, and then there are objective reasons.
As long as two people grasp the three elements of “passion, intimacy, and commitment”, long-distance marriage will not be so difficult.
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