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Author: [Japanese] Yamada Soki
A well-known contemporary Japanese novelist, he is good at creating works that focus on women’s dignity and living conditions. His representative work is “The Life of the Disgusted Matsuko” published in 2003. The work has a circulation of 1.2 million copies, including the library edition.
From a news report on July 11, Heisei 13 (2001)
A woman’s body found in an apartment in Hinode-cho, Adachi Ward
Around 9:00 a.m. on Toka, Hinode-cho, Adachi Ward, Tokyo In Room 104, Guangmingzhuang, the apartment administrator was notified that a stench came from the open door of the house. After checking, he found a middle-aged woman’s body lying in the room, and immediately reported to the police. According to police analysis, the deceased was a 53-year-old woman who lived alone in the household. The corpse was neatly dressed, but there were signs of violent attacks all over the body. After autopsy, it was found that the cause of death was blood loss caused by rupture of the internal organs. Therefore, the police identified it as a homicide and are conducting an in-depth investigation.
The doorbell keeps ringing. I made up my mind, removed the door chain, and opened the apartment door. The first thing that caught my eye was the sweat on my dark forehead. The reason why the man in front of him didn’t wipe his sweat was because he was holding a box wrapped in white cloth in both hands. “I’m here to do some errands, and I’ll ask you for anything by the way. Dad shoved the box into my hand, and when the box tilted slightly, it made a soft “bang” sound. “What is this? “”Your aunt’s ashes. ”
My aunt should be fifty-three years old this year. She disappeared suddenly almost thirty years ago and has not been heard from since. Three days ago, my father received a call from the Tokyo police. The bureau’s phone number said that my aunt was found dead in the apartment by others, with serious injuries on her body. The cause of death was a ruptured internal organs, and it was suspected that homicide. The murderer has not yet been found, and the police are ready to investigate.
Since then, Sheng, who was in charge of sorting out her aunt’s belongings, began to investigate Matsuko’s life.
Why did Aunt Matsuko suddenly disappear, at least tell me Listen.” “You don’t have to know. Anyway, She’s a disgrace to the Kawajiri family, it’s that simple.” Dad said angrily, pursing his mouth tightly and stopped talking.
Fool willing to make love, child addicted to love
Matsuko’s life is related to her desire for father’s love when she was a child. In order to win his father’s smile, she would rather make faces and dress up as a clown again and again. Because she wants to make the person she loves happy and to get the attention of the person she loves. But to get this short-lived love and care, the foundation is built at the expense of oneself, and its foundation is not solid. Some people say that the real world that everyone experiences is just a reflection of its inner self. So no matter in the family relationship or in the various loves she encountered later, the love she pursues is only to fill the void in her heart. The lack of blankness in her heart prompted her to fall in love with love again and again, even though the love was only for a short moment, she would eventually be bruised and bruised like a moth to a flame, and she was also satisfied. But this is also doomed, the love that is begging like this will not last long.
Fantasies are fulfilled time and time again, but they are brutally broken time and time again. After all, enthusiasm is sapped away, and the soul has long since vanished into ashes.
She is kind and crazy about love. In the repeated injuries, she is alone, constantly falling and getting up. Struggling, she just wanted to love others, and every time she tried her best, all she got was hurt. She is tired, she is really tired, Matsuko’s life, like a child with a broken heart since childhood, hopes to be protected by adults, and when she grows up, she hopes to be protected and can rely on. But in the end all she got was just one more scar on her soul.
The so-called fall may be an abyss. It is easy to fall, but difficult to get up.
From middle school teacher to custom girl, Matsuko has been chasing the thing called love all her life. She was driven out by her family, abandoned by her lover, and humiliated by fate, but she was always unguarded by people. I know what despair is, but I only know how to pursue it bravely.
Her life is a life of absurdity, a life of failure, but also a life of not giving up hope, and a life of earnestly living.