Parents achieve “three dislikes” and “two disregards”, children will be more promising in the future

Recently, a mother in Linyi, Shandong burst into tears for the camera, saying that she couldn’t take it anymore.

The reason is that the child took online classes at home for 3 days, but could not keep up with the teacher’s rhythm.

The teacher said to take out the textbook and turn a page, but the child could not find it.

What’s even more annoying is that the child is still very unconscious, picking erasers, pencils, notebooks… just not paying attention to class.

What this child exposed is actually a common problem of countless children.

They have poor self-discipline and low self-learning ability, and it is easy to lose control of themselves.

There is such a sentence in “Tsinghua Xueba Jiaozi Jing”:

“Parents should understand that children lack self-control when they are young, and it is normal to be inactive when it comes to hard things such as learning, but it is abnormal to be proactive.”

Self-disciplined children are not born, but are nurtured by their parents.

A good education always needs the support of parents.

In order to make children consciously self-disciplined and active in learning, parents must achieve “three dislikes and two disregards”.

Children are addicted to mobile phones, not used to it

A while ago, the “most strict” anti-addiction of minors Rules are coming.

The most important point is that minors can only play games for a maximum of 3 hours a week, and they also need to be authenticated.

But does that really stop kids from playing games?

Tencent conducted a survey on “what do children do after school after the double reduction”, in a poll of nearly 20,000 people, “playing at home idle” The proportion of people who use mobile phones is as high as 32.4%.

After the “double reduction”, if the time is not properly arranged, many children’s dependence on mobile phones has become more serious.

Once the youthful child is bewitched by the excitement on the mobile phone, the first thing that will be destroyed is their health, such as vision loss, cervical spondylosis, obesity, immune dysfunction, etc. Problems are common.

Without a healthy body as a blessing, children are bound to be limited in their learning.

Especially in the environment where the high school entrance examination sports scores are increasing year by year, a child who holds a mobile phone every day and lacks exercise will become more and more dangerous.

We often say, “If you destroy a kid, give him a cell phone.”

And The fastest way to ruin a child’s grades is to let him sink in the world of mobile phones.

Psychologist Adam Alter once said:

“ Entertainment products such as games, gossip, and live broadcasting are like drugs, which can be addictive and difficult to quit.”

Adults Facing the temptation of mobile phones is still difficult to control, let alone children with poor self-control.

Children are not used to procrastination

Now, children’sThe workload has been significantly reduced.

Therefore, many children feel that anyway, they have more time and less homework, so they can write slowly, but as a result, they play and drag, and do not start their homework until very late.

Faced with their children’s dawdling, most parents adopt the simple and direct method of “urging”.

But urging, which may be effective in a short period of time, can easily make children dependent on urging, as psychologist Erica Reischer said:

“If your child doesn’t have the opportunity to learn how to be responsible for himself and to practice important life skills such as time management and self-discipline , then you will lose control over yourself in the long run. Not only will it affect your studies, but it will also have a negative impact on your future work and life.”

And excessive urging will also give birth to the child’s rebellious psychology, and even affect the parent-child relationship.

Children are unhappy, they procrastinate and procrastinate. Most of the root causes of the disease are the lack of time planning ability.

What really determines a child’s grades is not IQ, but the child’s time management.

Remember the study plan of Tsinghua Xueba?

Go to bed from 6:40 am to 1 am, the time in between is well organized and no time is wasted.

In the same 24 hours, Xueba can use the time efficiently to learn more knowledge, while children with poor time concept can only keep in a state of “rushing to work”.

Time management is closely related to your child’s grades.

As an American child education expert once said: “Time management ability affects children’s learning efficiency, and learning efficiency determines academic performance.”

Procrastination may seem like a minor problem, but it is not only closely related to children’s studies, but also affects future work and social interaction.

Therefore, instead of condoning procrastination, parents can consciously cultivate their time management skills while the workload is reduced.

The child has bad habits and is not used to it

It is delicious and lazy, does not like to exercise, does not sleep at night and wakes up in the morning …

These bad habits may not seem like a big problem, but the more they accumulate, the more difficult it is to develop good habits, and the easier it is to bring down the child.

Children with poor academic performance lose not in IQ, but in study habits.

In the UK documentary Swap Schools, children from public and private schools embark on a week-long exchange.

Through this week’s exchange of lives, let us see that the biggest reason why these children will develop differently in the future, in addition to the difference in background, is the study habits .

Children in public schools go home after school at 3:00 pm every day, doing nothing but sleeping and playing games to pass the time.

As for students from private schools, students get up at 6:30 every day, and after school at 5:00 pm, they will participate in various interest activities or study in the library.

The completely different study habits are also doomed to the opposite direction of these children in the future.

As one of the children from the public school said, his fate is likely to be “nothing.”

A child who does not have good habits will lose to his inner desires, and eventually spend his life mediocre.

And children with good habits can organize their time well, not waste a little time, and have more internal drive.

There is no such thing as a natural student, but it is the accumulation of good habits.

Educator Mr. Ye Shengtao said: The essence of education is to cultivate habits.

Children between the ages of 3 and 12 is a critical period for habit formation. If you don’t pay attention at this time, it will be too late to correct them in the future.

Therefore, parents should actively guide their children to make good use of their spare time and let them develop good study and living habits.

No matter what is within the child’s ability

After the “double reduction” was implemented, the subject training institutions were closed.

In the past, the child was under the supervision of a teacher at school. After class, he was led by a tutor in the training get out of class, and he was supervised by his parents when he returned home. Now that extracurricular tuition is gone, it also means Children have more time to be autonomous.

Such asIf the child’s independence is not strong, and they will not plan their spare time reasonably, then the gap will become larger and larger.

Thus, forward-thinking parents start early to let go and foster independence in their children.

Zhejiang girl Shao Yijia scored 719 in the college entrance examination. In order to fulfill her dream of Peking University, she arrogantly refused admission to Tsinghua University.

The parents expressed their full support for their daughter’s choice, because in their eyes, “the daughter is very independent since she was a child, and she doesn’t need to worry about anything at home”.

From a young age, her parents asked her to do her own things to cultivate her independence.

It was the respect and letting go of her parents that improved her ability to think actively and solve problems.

Author Albert Hubbard once said:

“When parents do too much for their children , the child will not do too much for himself.”

I can’t watch the child suffer any hardship, and as long as the child encounters a little difficulty, he will immediately rush forward. To help them solve it clearly, it seems to love children, but it actually deprives children of their ability and motivation to solve problems.

Hugging too tightly in love is often a hidden hurt.

Every child has the right to self-growth, his life should go by himself, and his parents cannot replace him.

The sooner parents let go of cultivating their children’s independence, the more secure their futures will be.

No matter how hard a child can bear

A study by American psychologists shows that children can The success of solving his own difficulties depends more on his experience than his intelligence.

Many parents feel that their children are young and do not have the ability to solve problems, so they start to make decisions for their children and help them overcome all obstacles.

However, this practice is depriving the child of the opportunity to exercise, and over time, the child’s courage to face difficulties and problem-solving ability will also deteriorate.

Children will inevitably encounter bumps and bumps along the way, but growth happens in the process of solving difficulties.

As Deng Yaping said about her parenting experience:

“Not all stress is It can be avoided. Difficulties and challenges are what we must face. If we dodge and do not solve the problem, the problem will always be there.”

Let children face difficulties head on. , is like planting a seed on the body. When they encounter difficulties in the future, the first thing they think of is not to look back at their parents, but to find a solution by themselves.

Before, an online “Don’t Call Mom Equality Treaty” became popular.

Mom’s nine rules are actually all for one purpose: “If you encounter a problem, please try to solve it yourself as soon as possible.”

After the formal implementation of the treaty, the children called their mother much less often. They were used to getting up and washing themselves, serving meals for themselves, and remembering to carry a water bottle and mosquito repellant when they went downstairs to play.

Loving children is not about making a pair of “snow plows” and parents clearing all obstacles for their children, but letting them experience it alone.

In fact, children are much stronger than we think.

Giving trust and learning to let go, their pace will be firmer and more steady.

Image source: Panorama Vision

Principal Tang Jiangpeng once said:

“Good Education should be to cultivate life-long exercisers, elegant living, responsibility bearers, and problem solvers.”

Independent and healthy personality, courage to take responsibility, good at The ability to solve difficulties will eventually become the bottom-level ability of children, helping them overcome obstacles in the future life.

Like [Like], I hope that every pair of parents’ “let go but not let go” discipline can raise a self-disciplined and independent child.