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Family succession
The daily routine of “Chicken Flying Dog Jumping”.
Child-rearing, for parents, is a systematic process throughout life. No matter how great we have achieved in other fields, in the world of “parenting”, each of us puts down our pride, takes care, takes care of us, and goes all out to protect the health and happiness of our children.
However, from “chicken flying and dog jumping” to “mother’s kindness and filial piety”, it is not a “battle” that can be completed by one person. Fleet”, to escort the child’s present and future.
So, how to build this “superfleet”? There are four steps in total.
1
Clear family relationships
Learn to “Play Together”
First of all, I would like to ask you a question, in a family of three, how many relationships exist? Many people may say that family relationships are family relationships, and there is only one relationship model.
Actually, the answer is four, including the relationship between husband and wife, mother-child/mother-daughter relationship, father-son/father-daughter relationship, and the relationship between parents and children. Each relationship constitutes a different subsystem of the family.
Here, we can think of each subsystem as a set of cogs in a machine that fit, restrain, and reinforce each other. When these four gears can reach a tacit understanding and cooperate with each other, the whole machine can run well and ensure its maximum efficiency. On the contrary, if they are against each other, then not only will the work task not be completed, but also the wear and tear of the gear itself will be caused. Therefore, systematic cooperation is critical for families.
Nowadays, there are more and more families with two and three children, and many elderly people help to take care of the children. Three generations live in the same house, and the family relationship is more complicated. Therefore, the mutual cooperation between different relationships is more needed.
2
Give the right to grow up to the child
Inspire ‘Little Universe’
In the Family Raising Alliance, there is no leader, no commander, and everyone is a collaborator. Equality, sincerity, openness, trust and respect are the prerequisites for mutual cooperation, and communication is the bridge to achieve cooperation. It should be reminded that although the child is young, he is not a passive obedience or follower, but one of the collaborators of the parenting alliance and an important member of this “super fleet”.
Parents can even let their children experience the commander’s addiction from time to time, giving him the power of decision-making and choice, and let him feel his place in the fleet, so Important and indispensable, but at the same time let him learn to take responsibility for his choices.
Everyone in the fleet is striving for a common goal, which inspires a sense of responsibility and purpose in the child, and makes “Being Better” Excellent, more sensible” is no longer just the expectation of parents, but the pursuit of children themselves.
Here, too, we can think of the child as a little system. This small warship is driven by both internal and external driving forces. Intrinsic drive is what we usually call intrinsic motivation, which is the belief and desire to become better and better; and extrinsic drive is all external driving factors, including parents’ expectations, teachers’ evaluation, family Plans for the child’s future, etc. The interaction and balance between internal drive and external drive is the key to helping children establish self-confidence and achieve self-growth.
3
Build a “husband and wife battleship”
Learn to love
In the family parenting alliance, in addition to the small battleship of the child, the “husband and wife battleship” composed of parents also has combat power that cannot be underestimated. Why is it called a “husband and wife battleship” instead of a “parents battleship”? The goal is for parents to see their role not only as a parent, but also as a husband or wife. At the same time, let the children see that this family not only has the relationship between parents and children, but also the relationship between husband and wife.
Many families have been neglected since the birth of children. In some families, the mother and the child share the same bed, and the father is driven to the second bedroom. The lack of emotional connection and intimate interaction between husband and wife may lead to various misunderstandings and conflicts over time. This will bring a lot of negative emotions to both husband and wife and children, and it will also affect the establishment of children’s intimacy in the future, resulting in a lack of children’s trust. The lack of security and parent-child attachment will adversely affect children throughout their lives.
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Intimacy at the right time, separation at the right time, and mutual understanding and support between husband and wife are an important source of a child’s sense of security. The love and nourishment couples receive from each other will also enrich their spiritual world, enabling them to pass on more love and patience to their children. For children, the first lesson in life to love and be loved should begin here.
4
Treat Differences Right
Realizing the value of partnership
In many families, children are primarily supported by the elderly. The elderly provide a lot of help in life for the busy young couple, and they also provide the best care for the children. However, there are inevitably differences and differences in the parenting concepts and values of the two generations. At this time, mutual understanding and empathy between young parents and the elderly are particularly important. In fact, the existence of differences is not a bad thing for children. Difference means different and reflects diversity. Parents properly handle differences can help children to accept different perspectives and ideas, and then gradually form their own way of thinking and values.
Appropriately view and deal with differences, so that every family member is recognized and accepted, and they all gain a sense of value, and finally reach a principled consensus and effective cooperation, and work hard and work together. Only in this way will the “Super Fleet” become stronger and achieve better family upbringing.
Source | Student Health News
Author｜Clinical Psychology Center, Peking University Sixth Hospital, Chang Lei
Review｜Experts of National Health Science Expert Database
Beijing Huilongguan Hospital Party Secretary and President Yang Fude
Planning｜Tan Jia Yu Yunxi
Editing｜Liang Jing